oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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