Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
