take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
