I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
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