My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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