Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize