I wannas sexs uuuuu
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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