She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
