got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
