I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
