my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
