i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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