Already got asked if we're dating
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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