You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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