If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
