I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
