Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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