Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
