my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
