My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
