He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
