Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
