remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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