Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
