i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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