I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
