is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize