Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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