I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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