She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
