you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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