...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
