I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
The ass gains better be worth it
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