Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
