fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i came on her dog
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
