I smell stomach acid.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
