god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
