just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
