it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
