3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
