what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
