Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
