At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
