She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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