I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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