My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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