wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
