Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
