can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
