I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
