i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
