Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
