Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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