Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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