....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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