I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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