i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
