I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
