The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
