alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize