I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
