Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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