the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
