It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
