Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
