Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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