I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
