Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
