Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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