I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
