Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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