there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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