Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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