Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I party with great urgency now.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
