awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
